Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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