i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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