I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The adults are the big ones right?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
