bring money and cleavage
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
