How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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