dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
