remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
