so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
