Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
