someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
