I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
