genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
