He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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