I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize