I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize