you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
