did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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