She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize