Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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