My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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