I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
