If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
