i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize