About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
