did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
