Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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