Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
COCAINE IS GR8
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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