i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
