Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
