Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
