I want to stick my p in your. b.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
