1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just pynch a tree in the face
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
