Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize