Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
