before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize