i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
