i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
did i walk over a car last night?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
