Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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