i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
COCAINE IS GR8
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
