it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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