physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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