just tell him i said nine months
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
