I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize