I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
3 2 1 whiskey
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
