I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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