she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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