the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
