Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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