There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
