Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He passed out mid-signature
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
