I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
