He is an equal opportunity slut.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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