Tell her she can't have a vagina
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
