Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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