i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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