I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
