Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
