How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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