I puked a lego.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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