My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
