She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize