We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Randomize
