How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
