Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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