why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
