The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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