He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
