You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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