If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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