Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
