woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
