Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
