and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
