I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
