Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
