i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
