I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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