i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
