Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
