bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
