Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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