Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
