I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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