the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
