I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
