She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
