Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the day after is always just damage control
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
