the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
