I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize