i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
