I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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