He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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