He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
