So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
