you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
