You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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