did you get engaged???
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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