btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
