walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
