I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
