just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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